If your job is anything like mine, you spend over one third of each of your day surrounded by mostly Republicans. Which means, if you get caught in the kitchen or at lunch with any one of these folks, you may very well find yourself quickly outnumbered as they swarm in with a barrage of Faux news sound bites they caught either the night before as they were falling asleep, or that morning as they were rushing out the door.
So as you can imagine, today is not one I’m really looking forward to given the scandal de jour that is Eliot Spitzer and his link to a prostitution ring.
There appears no way to defend the man. He’s made his confession, said his apologies, etc. This rising star in the Democratic Party screwed up. He apparently broke the law and could be out of a job and into a new set of pinstripes. Simple. I really don’t want to defend him anyway. But that doesn’t mean I have to face each of my colleagues unarmed, defenseless, whimpering for forgiveness as I mope back to my office while being jeered at and poked with a cross and thumped with a bible.
Instead, I want to be prepared to take on the self-righteous smugness of these folks who will, with outright indignation, condemn the sinfulness of Mr. Spitzer as if he, a Democratic superdelegate, represents the continued plague on society that perpetually emanates from the left.
I want to be prepared to look these people in the eye and say, “Yeah, he did it. But I think you should be just as concerned about cleaning your own house.”
And with that, I’ll be armed with a list of criminal and/or morally offensive acts committed by those on the Right. This list is far from exhaustive and I heavily edited it by removing some of the more vile convictions of pedophilia, child pornography and incest. You can find a more complete list here, which includes links to supporting articles.
While posting this list may seem petty, I promise you it will come in handy should you find yourself cornered in the elevator or kitchen or bathroom by a frothing at the mouth wingnut crying holy mary about Spitzer’s issues.
Senator David Vitter, Louisiana Republican Senator. His number appeared on a list of clients linked to the “D.C. Madam” and several women have confirmed that he regularly appeared at the Canal Street Brothel.
Senator Larry Craig, caught in an airport bathroom attempting to solicit sex. Arrested and admitted offense.
Dick Armey (R-Texas), former professor, has been accused by The Dallas Observer of sexually harassing female students.
Jim Bakker, televangelist with Pat Robertson at Robertson's Christian Broadcasting network. Committed adultery with Jessica Hahn and then used charitable donations to pay her hush money.Fellow televangelists say he's gay. Indicted on 23 federal charges of fraud, tax evasion, and racketeering.
Robert "Bob" Allen, Florida state Rep. Arrested in the afternoon at a Veteran's Memorial Park for solicitation of prostitution from an undercover male officer inside a restroom. According to the papers Bob "offer[ed] to perform oral sex for $20". Bob Later claimed that his offer had somthing to do with his being afraid of Black people.
Bob Barr, Republican Congressman from Georgia. Sponsored the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, saying "The flames of hedonism, the flames of narcissism, the flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundation of our society, the family unit." Was married three times. Paid for his second wife's abortion (she also suspected he was cheating on her). Failed to pay child support to the children of his first two wives and while married to his third and present wife was photographed licking whipped cream off of strippers at his inaugural party.
Robert Bauman, Republican congressman and anti-gay activist, was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
John Bolton Bush's appointee ambassador to United Nations, corroborated allegations that Mr. Bolton’s first wife, Christina Bolton, was forced to engage in group sex have not been refuted by the State Department.
Mike Bowers Former State Attorney General, prosecuted the famous Bowers vs. Hardwick case, based on Georgia anti-sodomy laws. Admitted to a 10-year adulterous affair.
Ken Calvert, Congressman (R-Ca), champion of the Christian Coalition and its "family values." Sued as an alimony deadbeat by his ex-wife. Said "We can't forgive what occurred between the President and Lewinsky." In 1993 he was caught by police receiving oral sex from a prostitute and attempted to flee the scene.
Mark Foley, Republican Representative, Florida Sixteenth Congressional District. Resigned after trying to solicit sex from male congressional pages via an instant messenger program. The conversations included his asking a sixteen-year-old "stud" whether his penis was erect and requesting that he take out and measure his penis. The cover-up involved Republican House Majority Leader John Boehner, Ohio Eighth Congressional District and Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert, Illinois Fourteenth District.
Jeff Gannon Partisan blogger with no journalism credentials and a fake name who got invited to Bush's Press conferences. Is also a pimp and a gay prostitute.
Newt Gingrich, married three times. Gingrich campaign worker Anne Manning admitted that she gave Newt oral sex while he was still married to his first wife. Informed one wife he was filing for divorce while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer treatments.
Rush Limbaugh, triple-divorcee, 30-pill a day drug addict.
Brent Parker Utah State Representetive. Arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer posing as a male prostitute.
Mark Pazuhanich, Republican judge, pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
Joe Scarborough, former Republican Congressman, currently a conservative talk show host. Resigned his congressional seat abruptly to spend more time with his family, amidst allegations of an affair. His intern, Lori Klausutis, was soon after found dead in his office. The medical examiner, who had his license revoked in Missouri for falsifying information in an autopsy report, and suspended in florida for six years, ruled the case an accident, after giving conflicting information about her injuries. He said he lied about them because "The last thing we wanted was 40 questions about a head injury."
Ed Schrock, two-term republican congressman, with a 92% approval rating from the Christian Coalition. Cosponsor of the Federal Marriage Amendment, consistently opposed gay rights. Married, with wife and kids. Withdrew his candidacy for a third term after tapes of him soliciting for gay sex were circulated.
Tom Shortridge. Republican campaign consultant, was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr., Republican City Councilman, pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
Jimmy Swaggart, televangelist, said during a sermon "I'm trying to find the correct name for it … this utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men. … I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died." Had an affair with a prostitute.
Randall Terry, Right to Life activist, founder of Operation Rescue, involved in the Terri Schiavo protests. Once imprisoned for sending former President Bill Clinton an aborted fetus. His son Jamiel is gay; his daughter Tila had sex outside of marriage, became pregnant, had a miscarriage - she is no longer welcome in his home; his daughter Ebony had 2 children outside of wedlock and became Muslim. He has campaigned against infidelity and birth control, gays and unwed mothers. Terry himself was censured by his church after committing adultery.
Strom Thurmond, republican senator and racist, raped and impregnanted a 15-year old African American maid.
J.C. Watts, Representative (R-Oklahoma), loud champion of "moral values." Has out-of-wedlock children.
Stephen White, Republican preacher. Was arrested after allegedly offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
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My favorite was one of Falwell's pastors. From the Smoking Gun
An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking).
They neglected to mention the dildo in his ass and his prominent work as a Repblican.
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