New Poll Shows Americans Opinion Of Themselves At An All Time Low

A recent AP-Ipsos poll showed Bush’s and Congress’ approval rating at an all time low -- 30% and 22% , respectively.

But what about me? If the rest of Americans are anything like me, then their approval rating of themselves must also in the crapper.

Just yesterday morning I polled myself and found my self-esteem at a dismal 19%. My professional confidence was down 5 percentage points from 34% just six months ago. And my hope for a better tomorrow was down to 15%. The only spike in the poll was in my political aspirations which, thanks to the ineptitude and incompetence of all the other politicians, locally and nationally as they tank in the eyes of the voters, rose to 3%.

Not wanting to accept such a microscopic approach to the state of the world, I also polled my four year old daughter on a variety of geo-social, political and environmental issues as I drove her to school.

Unfortunately, the numbers were even grimmer. Her aspirations for enjoying continued breathable air over the next five years sank to 54%, down 12 percentage points from two years ago. She went from 38% to 22% in her dreams to graduate from college debt free (I didn‘t even ask her how she felt about inheriting the current national debt). However, she showed strong polling data with the realization that this country would still be at war with (insert country here) when she enters kindergarten, stating that the odds had increased from 73% to 99%.

No, it’s not looking good for anyone these days. I’m just glad that I’m not alone in this sturm und drang. This made my anxiety index factor rise to an all time high of 100%, up two percentage points from last week.